The Beginning of the Nightmare

Ruth met her husband Chris in 2008 in North Wales, a region in the northwest of the United Kingdom known for its rugged coastline and castles. During their 12-year relationship, he repeatedly proposed practicing partner swapping—a practice where couples exchange partners for sexual activities—which she constantly rejected.

In 2021, after Ruth experienced a mental health crisis, Chris became her official caregiver—a role in British law where someone is appointed to help a person with daily needs. She says he made her feel guilty because life hadn't turned out as they planned. That's when she gave in to the pressure.

"I know that might sound completely absurd to someone just hearing the story, but remember this doesn't happen overnight," Ruth explained. "Imagine being with someone for 12 years and having that person convince you of something."

The Dynamics of Abuse

What Ruth expected to be encounters with other couples quickly became something different. She was having sex with men from the site while Chris watched, waited nearby, or wasn't even present.

The encounters took place in their home, cars, lay-bys (roadside parking areas common in the UK), or parking lots. When she went alone, she was expected to record everything and send it to her husband.

Within months, Ruth was having sex with several men per week, sometimes up to four in a single day. Although she appeared enthusiastic, she now says she never wanted to do it.

The BBC Investigation

The BBC submitted freedom of information requests to the 45 police forces in the UK (the UK has territorial police forces rather than a single national force), requesting crime reports mentioning FabSwingers since early 2023.

By late April, 39 forces had responded—the Metropolitan Police, the country's largest force covering London, did not respond. They identified 329 reports linked to the platform.

The BBC also interviewed a user of the site under the pseudonym "Martin," who has had sexual encounters with about 50 people through the platform. He admitted that on some occasions he felt he was raping someone.

"I should have left. I should have reported it immediately," Martin said, crying, recalling an encounter where he saw fear in a woman's eyes.

What Does FabSwingers Say?

The website stated that consent is the foundation of this practice and that any suggestion that prior online conversation removes the need for in-person consent "is not a position the platform endorses, encourages, or tolerates."

FabSwingers stated that reports of non-consensual activity are treated as a priority risk and that when aware of them, it takes action and cooperates with police if requested.

However, Ruth reported prohibited behavior by men she met on the site, including threats of violence and rape, and says no action was taken.

The Legal Perspective

Rachel Horman-Brown, a lawyer specializing in domestic violence and recipient of the King's Counsel (KC) title—a prestigious honor for senior barristers in the UK legal system—explained that swinging can be exploited by abusive partners.

"There have been dozens and dozens of occasions over the years where I've heard women complain that they've been pressured to participate," she said.

Once someone has participated, it can generate profound shame, making women less likely to report. Additionally, explicit photos and videos can become "ammunition" within a relationship.

Charlotte Eastop, from the organization Refuge—a leading UK charity supporting victims of domestic abuse—confirmed they receive calls from women who say they've been pressured to participate in partner swapping.